1 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,360 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah 2 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,960 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah 3 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,280 ♪ When you left me all alone 4 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,240 ♪ At the record hop 5 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,120 ♪ Told me you were going out 6 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,960 ♪ For a soda pop 7 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,920 ♪ You were gone for quite a while 8 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,760 ♪ Half an hour or more 9 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,600 ♪ You came back and man, oh man, 10 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,520 ♪ This what I saw 11 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,440 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 12 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,360 ♪ Told a tale on you 13 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,240 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 14 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,160 ♪ Said you were untrue 15 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,000 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar 16 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,440 ♪ You and I are through 17 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,840 ♪ Cos lipstick on your collar Told a tale on you 18 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:19,120 ♪ Boy, told a tale on you, man Told a tale on you, yeah 19 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,440 ♪ Told a tale on you. ♪ 20 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,760 PROJECTOR WHIRR 21 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,520 "New Yorkers in the rush hour. Eight million people in a hurry." 22 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,680 "The first civil defence exercise pulls them up." 23 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,720 "The streets soon become deserted." 24 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,560 "SIREN" 25 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,680 "Trading on the Stock Exchange stops." 26 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,680 "With a scare like this on, no wonder." > 27 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,600 "Children get a break from class... 28 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:04,280 ..to get a more vital lesson about self-preservation during atomic warfare." 29 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:09,320 "I am unhappy to conclude the hydrogen bomb should be developed." 30 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:15,000 "We should not intentionally lose the armaments race." 31 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,080 "To do this will be to lose our liberties." 32 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,960 "With Patrick Henry, I value my liberties more than I do my life." 33 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,800 ↑ SHOUTING AND MARCHING 34 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,600 Bumholes. 35 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,880 Bumholes, say I -... 36 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,920 ..in the plural. 37 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,680 I conjure up for your delectation... 38 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,000 .. the image of row upon row of bare arses. 39 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,040 A whole choir stall of them, eh? 40 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,360 Eh? 41 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:20,920 Ah, I see. No-one interested in my state of mind at this bright morn. 42 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,080 (SIGHS) Now, why is that, do you think? 43 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:32,360 Do you consider, perhaps, that I'm being provocative? Is that it, eh? 44 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,400 Eh? 45 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,880 Or boring, even? Have I become a bore without even knowing? 46 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,480 (SIGHS) 47 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,400 (THINKS) 'Boring? Boring!' 48 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,520 Keen, are we, Hopper? 49 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,920 Yes, sir. 50 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,800 Keen and eager? > 51 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,320 Yes, sir! 52 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,360 ♪ THE PLATTERS: "THE GREAT PRETENDER" 53 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,480 ♪ Oh yes, 54 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,040 ..I'm the great pretender 55 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,360 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 56 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:45,360 ♪ Pretending that I'm doing well 57 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,040 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 58 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,320 ♪ My need is such... 59 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,720 ..I pretend too much... 60 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:58,320 ..I'm lonely, but no-one can tell ♪ 61 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,280 ♪ Oh, yes, 62 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,680 ..I'm the great pretender... 63 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,160 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 64 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,800 .. adrift in a world of my own 65 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,280 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 66 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,120 ♪ I play the game... 67 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,240 .. but to my real shame... 68 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:21,560 ..you've left me to dream all alone ♪ 69 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,760 Look, Corporal - drum music. 70 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,320 Yeah? 71 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,280 Yeah. See? Can't you read it? 72 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,520 You know bloody well I can't! 73 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,520 Nothing to it, look:... 74 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,880 .. bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit. 75 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,720 Very shaggin' funny. 76 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,080 It's good, innit? 77 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,720 Less noise there! 78 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,760 (BOTH) Sir! 79 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,040 Bumholes. 80 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,280 Sorry, sir. 81 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,360 Now what is it, Hopper? 82 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:06,200 Krasnaya Zvezda - I mean, Red Star, an article in Red Star, sir. 83 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,840 What's it say? 84 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,280 Um... "Army footballers must play better." 85 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,600 Hopper... Sir? 86 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,880 What have you got between your ears? Use your bonce! 87 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,040 I've got enough bumph! 88 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,320 But, sir, I was told to translate ev... 89 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,840 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 90 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,880 Sir? You...? 91 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,400 Bumholes. 92 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,600 Yes, sir. 93 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,240 (Bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.) 94 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,280 (Shut up!) 95 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,880 'Am I asleep or what?' 96 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,600 'How d'you tell for sure?' 97 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,520 'Christ, what a dump!' 98 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,800 'Roll on. Roll... on.' 99 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,880 ♪ Boo-wah-ba, boo-wah-ba 100 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,880 ♪ Boo-wah-ba Do-do-do-do-do-do 101 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,240 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 102 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,600 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 103 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,840 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 104 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,360 ♪ Do-do-do-do 105 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,000 ♪ Earth angel, 106 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,120 ..earth angel... 107 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,440 .. will you be mine? 108 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,040 ♪ My darling dear, 109 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,200 ..love you all the time 110 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,560 ♪ I'm just a fool... 111 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,520 ..a fool in love with you 112 00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,040 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 113 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,560 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 114 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,680 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 115 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,280 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do 116 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,720 ♪ Earth angel, 117 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,120 ..earth angel... 118 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,160 .. the one I adore. 119 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,560 ♪ Love you forever... 120 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,360 .. and ever more ♪ 121 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,800 ♪ I'm just a fool... 122 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,880 ..a fool in love with you 123 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,680 ♪ I fell for you... 124 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,720 .. and I knew... 125 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,760 .. the vision of your love's loveliness 126 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,760 ♪ Doo-do-do-do-do 127 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,240 ♪ I hope and I pray 128 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,000 ♪ I hope and I pray that some day 129 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:52,280 I'll be the vision of your happiness 130 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,440 ♪ Earth angel, 131 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,960 ..earth angel... 132 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,760 .. please be mine. 133 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,640 ♪ My darling dear... 134 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,680 ..love you all the time 135 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,880 ♪ I'm just a fool 136 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,080 ♪ A... ♪ 137 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,720 CLOCK CHIMES 138 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,760 What are you doing? 139 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,200 Sir, I... Sir? 140 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,720 Get on with your work! 141 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,240 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 142 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,360 CLOCK STRIKES > 143 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,600 TAPPING > 144 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,160 Bumholes! 145 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,720 What? What? 146 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:05,760 Wallace... Sorry. The sound of a human voice startled me. 147 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,760 I think I said "Bumholes". Yes, that was almost certainly it -.. 148 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,720 ..B-U-M. Bumholes. > 149 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,440 I wish you wouldn't do this, not every five min... 150 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,240 (SNIGGERS) 151 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,680 Corporal! > 152 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,080 Beg your pardon, sir. 153 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,560 It's that... deuced clock striking 11 like that. 154 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,880 andIt; What about it? 155 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,640 Oh, chatty, are we? 156 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,920 Actually, no. 157 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:33,960 Well, I wish it was striking 12, that's all. One more hour on. 158 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:39,280 Oh, Christ in shitty napkins, what a life! 159 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,440 (SIGHS) 160 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:48,960 Nine to five, eh? Stooped over a bloody desk like a bloody box wallah! 161 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,320 That's what I joined the Army for, eh? 162 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,720 Corporal? > 163 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,160 Sir! Some barely-bloody-drinkable. 164 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,600 Hopper. 165 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,760 Corporal. If we've got to put in office hours, 166 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:11,840 .. we ought not deviate a bloody jot or a tittle from office bloody routine, eh? 167 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,840 Coffee at 11, tea and bickies at 4, 168 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,280 .. and three two-minute wee-wees. 169 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,360 andIt; Wallace! 170 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,640 I know! 171 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:23,760 Upstairs need that new Battle Order. You know this, yet... 172 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,160 Oh, look here, old thing! 173 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:30,320 How will we get it out on time if you keep up this non-stop barrage? 174 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,760 Worse than dysentery! Time and place, please! 175 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:38,960 All right, Harry, all right. Let's keep some sense of, um... 176 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,360 This place is upsetting the balance of my mind! 177 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,440 I can't even drag up the right word! 178 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,000 Proportion. 179 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,080 What? 180 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,360 The word you want. 181 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,760 Absolutely not! 182 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,200 What? Proportion! No, no! 183 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,680 Oh, please! 184 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,560 Perspective! That's the word! 185 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,960 Yes, Harry, I'm sorry. 186 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,320 Sorry. Sorry. 187 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,240 All I was saying was... 188 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,920 No! Was... to keep a sense of... 189 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,400 Perspective? 190 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,080 Propor-tion. 191 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,760 (SNIGGERS) 192 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,200 ♪ THURSTON HARRIS: "LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE" 193 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,920 ♪ (HUMMING) 194 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,520 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 195 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,480 ♪ Come on and talk to me 196 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,920 ♪ Lovey dovey lovey one 197 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,520 ♪ Come sit down on my knee 198 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,560 ♪ Tell you a story 199 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,800 ♪ Hap' a long time ago 200 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,240 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 201 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,040 ♪ I've been a-watching you grow 202 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,840 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 203 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,960 ♪ Come on and talk to me 204 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,240 ♪ Lovey dovey lovey one 205 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,520 ♪ Come sit on my knee 206 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,000 ♪ (HUMS) 207 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,960 (SNIGGERS) 208 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,720 Hopper, where the hell d'you think you are? 209 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,880 I... I'm sorry, sir. 210 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:23,320 I... swallowed the wrong way. Sorry. 211 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,040 Get back to your desk, man. 212 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,440 Sir! 213 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,640 andIt; Hopper! Sir! 214 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,040 The barely bloody drinkie-winkie? 215 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,480 Sir! 216 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,160 Oh... (SIGHS) 217 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,680 WHISTLES 218 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,920 "Shoot me a slug from the wonderful jug." 219 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,120 "The first civil defence exercise pulls them up." 220 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,640 "The streets soon become deserted." 221 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,680 "SIREN" 222 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,760 "Trading on the Stock Exchange stops." 223 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,680 Pssst! When do you finish? 224 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,200 Why? 225 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,800 Come on, what's your name? 226 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,400 Why? Everybody's got a name. 227 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,240 Shhh! 228 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:47,760 I'll be waiting for you, sweetie-pie. 229 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:53,440 "I'm unhappy to conclude that the hydrogen bomb should be developed." 230 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,520 "We should not intentionally lose the armaments race." 231 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,320 "To do this will be to lose our liberties." 232 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,640 "With Patrick Henry, I value my liberties more than my life." 233 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,520 MILITARY BAND 234 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,760 SIGHS 235 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:35,760 What do they call the little black things between an elephant's toes? 236 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,200 Go on, if we must. 237 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,240 Slow niggers! 238 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,600 Major Hedges! Now, now, Harry. 239 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,800 I've had about enough of... 240 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,880 We're working too hard. 241 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,640 I mean, it's all bullshit, this new Battle Order bumph! 242 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:56,720 We might as well give them the old one. They fuss too much upstairs. 243 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:01,720 Christ, the Battle Order doesn't change! Not in three months! 244 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,400 The Russians never do anything different... 245 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,240 Bunkum! Talking through your hat again. 246 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:13,120 I'm what? They're moving infantry and tanks, fella. 247 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:17,200 No, no. Not west, not through my section! 248 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,040 South. 249 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,440 What? 250 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,840 I've lost nearly all the Eighth tank regiment outside Magnitogorsk. 251 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,480 Yeah, they've gone south. That's my impression. 252 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,760 Some infantry have decamped. 253 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,920 Gone south. 254 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,000 Maybe. 255 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:39,280 Truck... Have your people got more on this? 256 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,840 You people have about everything my people have. 257 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,880 It's how you read it. 258 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:51,080 In my opinion - no, in our opinion.. the status of this is hardening. 259 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:54,040 You can elevate it from surmise. 260 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,720 You can what? 261 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,760 They're moving men and materials south, old bean. 262 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:05,360 And you'd better believe it. All right, all right, old fruit ... 263 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,560 Until we collate these new papers, 264 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,360 we won't know what the H is going on, will we? 265 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,080 This could be... I-I m-mean the... 266 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,320 .. good Lord, Wallace, the next B war! 267 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:21,720 SIGHS: So, let's end these disturbances. If you don't mind! 268 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960 COUGHS 269 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:39,400 'War, war. Shagging war. I've only got six weeks. Leave me out!' 270 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:46,040 'Let me go! I'm not joining in. No more shagging war! No!' 271 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,560 CLOCK STRIKES 272 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,600 Quarter past! 273 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,880 Time marches on! 274 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,800 FILM MUSIC 275 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,840 So, here you are. 276 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,120 What d'you mean? 277 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,160 I hear you work Monday and Wednesday 278 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,520 That's my business. 279 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,880 So, what do you do evenings? 280 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,560 Depends. 281 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,840 Ever go down the Palais? 282 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,720 Not much. I could take you. 283 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,320 Nah! It wouldn't hurt, would it? 284 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,760 My old man wouldn't like it. 285 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,240 Your dad? 286 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,680 Me husband! 287 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,200 Christ, you've thrown yourself away! 288 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,640 And all this time, there was me waiting. 289 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,240 Well, I didn't know, did I? 290 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,960 You do now, don't ya? 291 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,480 You... but, you've got a minute! 292 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,120 What for? 293 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,960 Can do a lot in a minute. 294 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,000 Yeah, a lot of damage. 295 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,040 Come on, then. See you later, alligator. 296 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,320 WELSH ACCENT: 22920071 Private Francis F reporting for duty. 297 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,440 You bleedin' git! 298 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,880 Sir? 299 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:50,480 Does Private Hopper really look like your new Commanding Officer? 300 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,520 I... Oh... 301 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,240 Two two nine two zero zero... 302 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,680 Yes, yes, we've had all that. 303 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:06,040 One of your shoulders is higher than the other. Sir? 304 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,040 Give me you Movement Order, man! 305 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,160 Sir? Are you a cretin? 306 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,720 Of course he is! It must be the new language clerk. 307 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,560 Not likely to read or write, is he? 308 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,440 I hope his Russian is better than his English! 309 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:26,360 Come on, Movement Order - sharp about it! 310 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,000 S-sorry, s-sir. 311 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:35,000 Do you stutter? N-n... I mean, no, sir. 312 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,200 Your Movement Order says... 313 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,280 ..to leave Intelligence Corps at Maresfield at 08:00... 314 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,960 .. and report to the War Office at 15:00! 315 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,800 Sir, I... It's way past 1600 hours! 316 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,000 16:21! Well? 317 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,760 I... Sir, I... I'm sorry, sir. 318 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,960 What do you mean, sorry? 319 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,760 I... I was... d-delayed, sir. 320 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,640 What do you mean, delayed? Late on parade, you mean! 321 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,320 Sir, I... Sir! Permission to speak, sir! 322 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,400 SIGHS: Speak. 323 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,960 Sir... I've never been to London before, sir, except to pass through. 324 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,040 I... got... lost, sir. 325 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:25,160 Lost? He's Intelligence Corps. Of course he bloody well got lost! 326 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,280 Lost in London? Sir. 327 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:35,440 Good God! You don't have to wet your thumb and hold it in the air! 328 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,880 You've got a tongue! We're in the middle of Whitehall! 329 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,240 I asked a policeman, sir, and he... 330 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,680 You WHAT? 331 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:48,800 I asked him where Whitehall was, the War Office, sir, and... 332 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,360 Where did this encounter take place? 333 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,360 Trafalgar Square, with the stone lions. 334 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,880 And the sticks with the horse's-head handles! 335 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,640 Half a mo', Wallace. And then? 336 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,440 He pointed to this big building, and... 337 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,800 Oh, keep still, man! Sir! 338 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,680 Yes! Go on! 339 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:17,720 It had pillars and steps and... but... it was full of pictures, sir. 340 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:19,720 Pictures? 341 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:25,200 By the time I realised it wasn't what the policeman said it was, 342 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,680 National Gallery. 343 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,560 National Gallery! Ooh! National bloody Gallery! 344 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,160 Sir! Permission to speak, sir? 345 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,160 CHUCKLES: Yes, go on! 346 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:47,120 Would you accept the proposal that I am not as big a fool as I seem, sir? 347 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,480 ALL LAUGH 348 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:55,080 I suppose I must take note of that, on this occasion! 349 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,200 I hope you will learn that in this office... 350 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:02,240 .. your opinions are of little or no relevance. 351 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:03,400 Sir. 352 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:08,880 None of us is in uniform, but that does not in any way imply derogation 353 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,720 .. from normal Army procedures. 354 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,320 Exactly the opposite! Understand? Yes, sir. 355 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,560 Get your shoulders into alignment! Sir! 356 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:24,640 If you arrive late again, and if you continue to make an ass of yourself, 357 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,400 .. Corporal, make it clear. 358 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,240 Sir! 359 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,600 Ha-bout... TURN! 360 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,840 SOLDIER! Corporal! 361 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,080 You are a twit! WHAT ARE YOU? 362 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,800 A twit, Corporal! 363 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,640 Now I'm gonna put my dingaling in your ear... 364 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,760 .. AND SHAG SOME SENSE INTO YOU! UNDERSTAND? 365 00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,280 Corporal! Right you are, return him to me. 366 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,800 Sir! Ha-bout... TURN! 367 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:15,080 Let us hope things will improve a bit from now on. Right, now then. 368 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,600 Um... 369 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:34,800 Er, yes... as I said, none of us in this office is in uniform... 370 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:42,360 .. for reasons that may become apparent. I'm afraid the same will apply to you. No uniform. 371 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:47,600 No, sir. Yes, I know, but there it is. You have to wear civilian clothes. 372 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:48,880 Yes, sir. 373 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,400 Neat and tidy. Collars and ties. No coloured shirts. Plain socks. 374 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,960 Yes, sir. Good. Now, neat and tidy. Neat and tidy. 375 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,280 We're extremely busy this afternoon. 376 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,880 The world doesn't stand still, er, Francis... Understand? 377 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,240 Sir! 378 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,520 Yes... 379 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:17,280 Perhaps you wanted adventure? Malaya, eh? Or Cyprus? 380 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:23,080 Or in the, er... forests, teaching the Mau Mau how to behave. 381 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:26,640 Even more, 382 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,520 .. the Soviet Union, Francis. 383 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:34,680 Sir? Must be ready for when the bally goes up, eh? Balloon. 384 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,720 Yes, sir. 385 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,800 This... section of Military Intelligence - M.I... 386 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:49,560 ..(COUGHS) bracket BO bracket - is.. You know what BO means? 387 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,560 Um... it's when you don't... 388 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:04,600 No, sir. Battle Order. 389 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:09,480 That of the Red Army. Where they are, where they're going. Got it? 390 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:15,160 Sir! Now, then. This info comes to us at these desks... 391 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:20,960 ..by a variety of overt and covert... pretty damned hush-hush... 392 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:27,000 .. and, er... yes, but I, I won't... yes. 393 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,040 Pretty clear, hmm? 394 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,760 Sir. 395 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,480 You're to be the Russian language clerk... 396 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,600 ..to Major Church, Language Officer. He will explain. 397 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,280 Explicate the inexplicable. 398 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,920 Now, I am Colonel Bernwood. Over there is Major Carter. 399 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:53,200 That is Major Hedges in the.. hmmm. 400 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,640 Now, listen very carefully. See the gentleman sitting over there? 401 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:02,400 Yes, sir. Well, he is not there. 402 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,320 No, sir. Where is he? 403 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,200 Sir? He's not here! 404 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:18,280 Sir! 405 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:23,720 His name - which, of course, you need to know even though he's not... 406 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:29,040 ..- is Lieutenant Colonel Trekker. From G-2, United States Army, G-2. 407 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,720 Signed the Official Secrets Act? Yes, sir. 408 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,640 Know the consequences of breaking it 409 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,960 Hanging. 410 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,760 Sir? 411 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,520 Don't want to be hanged, do you? 412 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,080 No, sir. 413 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:52,760 One stray word, one wink across the top of your glass of sherry, 414 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:57,200 Understand? A nudge is as good as... hmm. 415 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:02,680 Anywhere outside this room, soldier, anywhere at all is the wrong place. 416 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,960 Is that perfectly clear? 417 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,280 Yes, sir! 418 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:11,080 Good. Then you won't have to be buried in quicklime. 419 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,120 Now, who is that sitting over there? 420 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,560 Nobody, sir. 421 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:25,560 Yeah. And that is the first thing to tuck away and keep dark. 422 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,560 The Military Intelligence services of the UK and the US are, 423 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:35,000 ..to all intents and purposes... Do you understand? 424 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,200 Sir! 425 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:41,960 Well, I think that covers things... pretty well. 426 00:30:55,640 --> 00:31:01,080 Sir, I... e-excuse m-me, sir. 427 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,760 Get those packs off! 428 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,880 Present your idle self to Major Church! 429 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,400 Sir! Over here. Sharp about it. 430 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,200 Sit down. 431 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,480 CLOCK STRIKES 432 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,840 (GRUNTS) 433 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,640 A gazelle. 434 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,960 Sir? Like a gazelle. 435 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,480 Sir. 436 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:04,960 Name? Say again. 437 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,160 Francis, sir. Francis F. 438 00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,480 What's the F? Francis, sir. 439 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,600 Yes, yes - what's the F? 440 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,640 Francis, sir. Francis Francis. 441 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,120 CHUCKLES 442 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,360 How economical! Well, Francis... 443 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:26,200 .. when we call you Francis, we mean Francis, not Francis, no familiarity 444 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,080 No, sir. 445 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:33,320 What was your final mark on the Joint Services Russian course? 446 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,360 92%, sir. 447 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,680 Is that a smirk I detect? 448 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,480 No, sir! Clever Dick, are we? 449 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,480 No, sir! 450 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:50,320 Mmm, I wonder. Graceful movements, superb brain, an economical name. 451 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,040 Well, let's hear it! 452 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,600 Sir? Your brilliant Russian! 453 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,360 Um... My God. Whiplash Willie! 454 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,400 Ya pomnyu chudnoye mgnovyenye. 455 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,360 What? 456 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,600 I remember a wonderful moment. 457 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:15,760 Yes, somewhere in the valleys - some Megan or Blodwen, I'll be bound 458 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,040 Pushkin, sir! 459 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:22,360 Pushkin? What do you think you're talking about, Francis? 460 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,720 Well, sir... 461 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,920 Well, go on. 462 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:36,960 Pyeredo mnoy yavilas tee kak mimolyotnoye vidyenye... 463 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,720 Er... what? 464 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,720 You stood before me like a momentary vision. 465 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,040 Did I? 466 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,080 Sir. He is remembering the very first time he... 467 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,320 Had a bunk-up? 468 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,200 No, sir! No? 469 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,240 No, sir. 470 00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:01,920 The first time... he met this enchantingly lovely young lady Anna. 471 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,320 Now that he has met her again, his heart is... 472 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,640 Sorry, sir. 473 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,040 Tosh! 474 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,480 Sir. 475 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:21,360 Caterpillar tracks, Francis. Artillery ranges. Calibrations. 476 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,440 Each sort of shooter. Tanks. 477 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:29,320 Those are the words you need in this office - military words. 478 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,040 Not... mush. 479 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,080 Yes, sir. 480 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,400 "Enchantingly lovely young lady" - is that what you said? 481 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,120 What's that, Johnny? 482 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,400 Francis - obsessed with pretty young ladies. 483 00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:44,680 But, sir, I... 484 00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:47,520 Jolly good. Nice fluffy things. 485 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,520 If you want to masturbate, do it at lunchtime! 486 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,480 Sir! Permission to speak, sir! 487 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:59,480 No. Sir, I must p-p-p... Sir, this is not... 488 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,480 Sir. 489 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,000 ♪ Frankie Vaughan: The Garden Of Eden 490 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,840 ♪ When you walk in the garden 491 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,160 ..in the Garden of Eden... 492 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,200 .. with a beautiful woman... 493 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,920 .. and you know how you care ♪ 494 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,960 ♪ And a voice in the garden... 495 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,240 ..in the Garden of Eden... 496 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,160 .. tells you she is forbidden... 497 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,480 .. can you leave her there? ♪ 498 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,480 ♪ When you're yearning for loving 499 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,800 .. and she touches your hand 500 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,640 .. and your heart starts a-pounding 501 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,760 .. and you're feeling so grand ♪ 502 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,000 ♪ Can you leave her to heaven... 503 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,880 .. and obey the command... 504 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,960 .. can you walk from the garden 505 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,160 .. does your heart understand? ♪ 506 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,240 ♪ When you walk in the garden... 507 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,520 ..in the Garden of Eden... 508 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,520 .. with a beautiful woman... 509 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,720 .. and you know how you care? ♪ 510 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,720 ♪ And a voice in the garden... 511 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,880 ..in the Garden of Eden... 512 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,120 .. tells you she is forbidden... 513 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,760 .. can you leave her there? ♪ 514 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,400 Have you located a lodging? A place to dream? 515 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,680 Yes, sir. Suitable? 516 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:36,640 With my relatives in Walham Green. 517 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,720 Walham what? Fulham, sir. 518 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,080 Relatives, you say? My mother's sister, sir. She... 519 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,400 Good. Good, good, good, good, good. 520 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,880 Sir. 521 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,280 This afternoon, take yourself off there -... 522 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,960 .. if you can find it (!) Yes, sir. 523 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,240 Settle in, stow your kit, wash behind your ears, 524 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,920 .. stand close to the razor, forget your Pushkin... 525 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:09,520 .. and present yourself here in sober clothes at 0850 am, on the bloody dot! 526 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,000 Yes, sir. Then Private Hopper -... 527 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:18,440 .. who has the misfortune of being demobilised -... Don't smirk! 528 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:19,680 No, sir. 529 00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:23,480 Where that smirking oaf will begin in his dozy way... 530 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,880 ..to hand over his duties to you. And then, who knows? 531 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:33,280 You may get a glimmering of what it is we are up to in this little room. 532 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,560 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 533 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,040 Toddle off, then. 534 00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,160 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 535 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,360 You can go and look for it, can't you? 536 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,080 Sir? 537 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,360 That wonderful moment. 538 00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:15,080 See, that's all you do. Good, innit? 539 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:21,800 I haven't made it up yet, but it's a nice piece of furniture. Had it a long time. 540 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,400 It's... splendid, Aunt Vickie. 541 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,160 It's where your mum and dad started their honeymoon, 542 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,000 .. if that's what you could call it. Really? 543 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,960 It's sagged a bit in the middle ever since! 544 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:38,480 Should be all right, though. 545 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,080 Yes, thank you. 546 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,000 Nothing wrong with the springs. 547 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:47,240 Nice Put-U-Up. It's splendid! 548 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:51,600 You might 'ave been first thought of on this... 549 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,120 If you'll show me where the sheets.. 550 00:38:55,160 --> 00:39:01,280 I wouldn't be surprised if, Jan... No, bit later, but not much! 551 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:07,120 Still, this is where they had their first go, innit? 552 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,080 As far as we know! 553 00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:16,440 How is your mum, anyway? Buried down there in the back of beyond. 554 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,600 Oh, she's... yeah, she's splendid. 555 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,800 Splen-did. I mean... 556 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:26,000 My gawd, she's changed, then - must 'ave. 557 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,480 She's very well! 558 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:34,000 Splendid's what you call an 'otel, innit? At the seaside. 559 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:40,280 I mean, yeah, she's all right. Well, except for her feet, she says. 560 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,720 Her feet? 561 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,040 When she cut herself on that milk bottle. It... 562 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,800 Milk bottle? I haven't heard of this! 563 00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,920 Er... Frank, no! 564 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:57,280 What? Oh, I remember now! That was months ago, she wrote and said. 565 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,600 Don't slam the door, young woman! 566 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,240 SLAMS And up yours, too! 567 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,360 Noise, noise - you must love it! 568 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,400 Kiss mine! 569 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,400 She shouldn't've gone out in her bare feet. 570 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,240 But that was a long time ago... 571 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,040 Aunt Vickie, who was that? 572 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,760 Who was what? 573 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,640 That... girl. 574 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,280 Aunt Vickie? 575 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:41,520 She used to be a very good dancer, your mum, very good. 576 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:48,560 All the blokes standing against the wall, you know, looking and sniffing 577 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,000 Who was that... 578 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:54,480 All eyes. You know what they're like, young men. 579 00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,600 When she was dancing, your mum... 580 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:02,840 My Gawd! Talk about Grace Kelly and, who's it, Prince... 581 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,600 Aunt Vickie, who was that? 582 00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,760 What? That girl! 583 00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:09,840 What girl? 584 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:15,480 Going up the stairs, just now. The one who... THAT GIRL! 585 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,680 I didn't see nobody. 586 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:19,520 What? 587 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:25,360 And even if I did, I don't talk to her. Waste of bloody breath. 588 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:32,240 But... Might just as well talk to a bitch on heat, the cow! 589 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:36,400 We don't have nuffink to do with her. Not no more. 590 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,280 But, why? I mean, why? 591 00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,360 What d'you mean, "Why"? 592 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,120 Well, I... She lives upstairs, doesn't she? 593 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,760 Why d'you wanna know? 594 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,560 Doesn't she? 595 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:55,480 Your Uncle Fred won't want you asking about Sylvia. He'll be... 596 00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:57,560 Sylvia! 597 00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,560 What? Is-is that her name, then? Sylvia? 598 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,520 Common as muck. 599 00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,560 (Sssylviahh!) 600 00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:10,560 What you looking like that for? 601 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,880 Who is Sylvia? What is she? 602 00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:15,360 BUDGIE CHIRPS 603 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,080 Your mum used to look like that... sometimes. 604 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,560 Sorry? Soppy. 605 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:25,280 What do you mean? And look what happened to her! 606 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,520 Aunt Vickie! 607 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:33,000 See somebody who takes your fancy, and end up miles from home with a... 608 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:39,640 Anyway, we don't talk to 'er upstairs. Not no more. 609 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,720 But, why? 610 00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,240 Some words you just don't... 611 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:52,240 .. and your Uncle Fred is a very upright man. 612 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:59,520 Being neighbours is one thing. We had words, her and me, 613 00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:04,960 .. about the noise... upstairs. Talk about an 'erd of elephants! 614 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:10,880 We had words, and then she was bloody cheeky to your uncle. 615 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,080 Sauce! 616 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,520 We don't talk now. 617 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,480 But what was it all about? 618 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,880 Anyway, what's all this about our Betty's foot? 619 00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,200 Didn't it heal up proper, or what? 620 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:36,240 I wouldn't pass the time of day with her. And I get on with most. 621 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:40,720 I bet you're ready for a nice cup of tea, aren't ya? 622 00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,320 (I'd to talk to her.) 623 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,320 What's that, Frank? 624 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,440 I... Yeah, cup of tea. 625 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,040 Interested in her, are ya? 626 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600 No! No, I... I was just... 627 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,760 It's not a good idea. 628 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,160 No, no, no. I, I just... 629 00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:00,800 If she's upstairs and uses the same front door and... 630 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:05,360 Hard as nails, her bloke. Nasty little bugger, 631 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,560 .. and's a bit of a mystery. 632 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,400 In what way? 633 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,480 He's a spy. 634 00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:15,840 A what? Leastways, that's one of his tales. 635 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,840 I wouldn't tangle with him, not if I was you. 636 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,280 I wasn't proposing to. 637 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,360 CHIRPS 638 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,320 RECORD PLAYS 639 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,240 ♪ Told me you were going out... ♪ 640 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:38,920 There! You see! 641 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,560 Yeah, but it's a nice song, though, sort of. 642 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,000 ♪ You came back and man oh man... ♪ 643 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,840 KNOCKING 644 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,200 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 645 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:08,040 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar You and I are through 646 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,840 ♪ Cos lipstick on your collar (HUMS) 647 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,680 BANGING 648 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,000 Oh, shut up! 649 00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:27,920 We shall be glad to have you here, Frank. 650 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,600 SLURPS TEA 651 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,640 Thank you, Uncle Fred. 652 00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,200 Bit of educated conversation. 653 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,640 Well, I dunno about that! 654 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,920 It's what I don't get. It's what I miss. 655 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,320 Oh-ho, thanks very much! 656 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,920 See what I mean? 657 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,120 Mmm. 658 00:46:55,840 --> 00:47:01,040 I talk to that bird sometimes. Did you know that, Frank? I talk to... 659 00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,320 DOOR SLAMS 660 00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,400 Here I am, sweetheart! NORWICH! 661 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,440 SIGHS 662 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:15,000 Now, why does he do that? Every bloody time he comes home! 663 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,920 It's enough to put you off your tea. 664 00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,080 Noisy sods! 665 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,280 Language! 666 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,880 Yeah, well. They should go back there, shouldn't they? 667 00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,360 What? Norwich. 668 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,840 SNIGGERS 669 00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,680 Frank, what's the... 670 00:47:34,720 --> 00:47:35,800 It's you! 671 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:39,480 What you say, you daft pudding! 672 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,360 What? 673 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,720 It's dirty, innit? 674 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,240 Dirty? What d'you mean? 675 00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:53,560 "Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home." It's childish, innit? 676 00:47:53,600 --> 00:48:01,240 You hear it in the Army - see it, I mean. N-O-R-W-I-C-H. 677 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:07,280 Some blokes write it on the envelope when they write... to girlfriends... 678 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,280 ..a-and SWALK - Sealed With A Loving Kiss, or... 679 00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,400 That's enough! 680 00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,560 Pardon? 681 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,960 I don't want filth with my food, thank you very much! 682 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,080 You are the best, Sylvie. 683 00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:49,880 You are the best-looking bint I've seen all day, Sylvia. 684 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,840 Don't say that! Well, it's true. 685 00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,880 Bint! Don't say that! 686 00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,520 Ooops. Sor-ry. 687 00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,760 What's the matter? I'm not a bint! 688 00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:05,560 No, but what's the matter? 689 00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,240 Not now, Peter - you smell of beer. 690 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,480 I've had one pint, just one. 691 00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,560 I'm tired, that's all. 692 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,880 Tired! Fed up. 693 00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:21,560 What with? This place, for a start. 694 00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,880 Look, I've seen worse! And them downstairs. 695 00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:26,280 They're nothing! 696 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,400 And my job! 697 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:29,800 It's easy, innit? 698 00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:34,800 Standing with a bloody torch on Saturday night gets on your wick! 699 00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:40,840 Oh, Christ! You're a moaner! And you're getting worse! 700 00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,840 The tea. 701 00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:49,520 Are you showing off again, Sylvia? 702 00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:53,640 Sylvia? 703 00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,400 When I shaggin' well ask something, 704 00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:05,960 ..you better shaggin' well answer! I'm talking to you! 705 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,680 D'you want your supper or not? Sod the shaggin' supper! 706 00:50:10,720 --> 00:50:13,000 Suits me! Listen here, 707 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,040 You little tart! 708 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,360 You... cheap... little... 709 00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:39,560 Yeah, I must be cheap, cos I got no bleedin' money, 'ave I? 710 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:46,080 P'raps I'll start charging for it! What d'you think? 711 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:09,880 "I remember the wonderful moment, 712 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:16,560 .. when before me first she stood." 713 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:34,600 You tease! Don't you tease me! Don't tease me, Sylvia! 714 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,880 CRIES 715 00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:44,440 Come on, you tart, now come on! 716 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,800 THUDDING 717 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,840 Get off! 718 00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:04,400 There'll be more where that came from, my girl! 719 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,400 Come 'ere! 720 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:11,840 Come back, you bitch! Stupid! 721 00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,080 No! Don't be so daft! 722 00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,400 CRIES 723 00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:19,600 SOBS 724 00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,320 Sylvia, for Christ's sake! 725 00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,040 You soddin' bully! 726 00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:42,920 Shhh! D'you wanna wake that mad bugger down the stairs? 727 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:47,080 Hit me again, that's all! Hit me once more... 728 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,720 Oh, come on, chick, come on. 729 00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:51,760 It weren't that hard. ↑ 730 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:58,080 Hey, come on, chick, come on. I-I didn't mean it like that. 731 00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:00,960 You're a bully, Pete! 732 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:05,560 Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 733 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:10,960 Watch that bloody fist of yours, or you'll kill me one day! 734 00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,520 But why d'you do it, Pete? Why? 735 00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,120 It's cos I love you, that's why. 736 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,440 Funny way of showing it. 737 00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,680 Shut up! 738 00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:26,960 Shut up... Shut up. 739 00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,960 GROANS 740 00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,440 Oh, you bugger! 741 00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,680 Yeah! 742 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,160 DOOR SLAMS 743 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,280 THINKS: 'I know that voice!' 744 00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,760 SOLDIER! 745 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,120 BED SQUEAKS RHYTHMICALLY 746 00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,960 ♪ Frankie Vaughan: Green Door 747 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:11,160 ♪ Midnight ..one more night without sleepin' 748 00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:18,240 ♪ Watchin' Till the morning comes creepin' 749 00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,000 ♪ Green door 750 00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:23,760 ♪ What's that secret you're keepin'? 751 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:26,840 ♪ There's an old piana 752 00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,480 .. and it's playing hot 753 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:32,000 .. behind the green door ♪ 754 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,880 ♪ Don't know what they're doing 755 00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,560 .. but they laugh a lot 756 00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,000 .. behind the green door 757 00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:40,920 ♪ Wish they'd let me in 758 00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:45,080 ..so I could find out what's behind the green door! 759 00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,720 ♪ Knocked once 760 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:52,320 .. tried to tell them I've been there 761 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:55,920 ♪ Door slammed 762 00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:59,520 .. hospitality's thin there 763 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:07,360 ♪ Wonder Just what's going on in there. ♪